Before the days of special effects and big budgets, horror movie makers had to rely on intricately-planned camera shots, the power of suggestion, and good old-fashioned models to add scares to their films. While some of these early horror and science fiction films are truly terrifying, others fail miserably.
The monsters on this list are the most ridiculous and least frightening creatures to make it to the big screen. From mutant leeches and trees to giant gobs of goo, modern-day audiences will find more to laugh at than scream about with these old horror movie behemoths.
The Woman Eater
In addition to the questionable portrayal of indigenous peoples and the tree’s propensity to snack on distressed, scantily clad women, depictions of the monster itself top the list of absurd elements in the movie. More like a series of lumpy nets than a vicious, all-consuming tree, the beast in The Woman Eater is as disappointing as the movie itself. Low budget is a diplomatic way to describe this 1958 British film.
The Giant Leeches
Beware of what lurks in the water! In the Florida Everglades, humanoid leeches thrive in underwater caves. They drag locals into their lair, where they suck them dry. In this 1958 black and white film named after the monster, it’s pretty obvious the leeches are just dudes in rubber suits lined with foam suckers and barnacles.
It’s hard to imagine these swamp dwellers are capable of taking out any grown person, but they rack up quite a few bodies throughout the course of the movie. The scariest part of the film is imagining what life must have been like for the actors cast as the leeches, secured in tight, impenetrable synthetic materials while filming in the Florida heat.
The Neanderthal Man
Mad scientist Clifford Groves develops a serum that transforms cats into ancient saber-toothed tigers. Obsessed with the age of Neanderthal Man, Groves wants to prove to his colleagues that this ancient relative of humankind was actually more advanced due to its larger brain.
Shunned by his professional community, Groves decides to use the serum on himself, and lo and behold, becomes the terrifying and violent Neanderthal Man, stalking the California Sierras. When altered, Groves looks more like a deformed gorilla than an early human, courtesy of the cheap rubber mask used for the monster. Based on this 1953 film’s imagery, being alive in the age of the Homo Sapien seems more visually appealing.
The Beast From Haunted Cave
The beast in the cave goes after a group of thieves attempts to blow up a goldmine in South Dakota in hopes of creating a distraction that will gain them access to a local bank vault. Things don’t go as planned when these criminals cross paths with the monster calling the goldmine home.
Through some weird camera work, the creature’s features are only hinted at. Instead, the viewer sees an excess of webbing and hair, as well as the dead bodies of its victims, restrained to the cave’s rocky walls by the beast’s fibrous latticework. Spider-like with its killing methods, glimpses of long limbs swipe across the screen as the monster attacks. Ultimately, though, this 1959 flick is a messy, silly chain of cobwebs.
The Mad Monster
In 1942, nothing was apparently more horrific than a gardener injected with wolf’s blood who turns into a crazed wolfman. The Mad Monster follows the experiments of Dr. Lorenzo Cameron, who believes his wolf blood injections can aid the Americans in WWII by providing soldiers with extra strength and abilities.
When Dr. Cameron’s colleagues turn down his idea, he sends his wolfman gardener Petro after them. Petro as the wolfman looks more like a hillbilly caricature than a murderous werewolf. His comical facial expressions do nothing to help. File this Mad Monster under “buffoon.”
The Giant Claw
A classic B-horror movie monster, this movie features a massive bird taking out military aircraft. Too bad it looks like it was made by a third-grader in art class. With its oversized beak and claws, the powerful creature “as big as a battleship” descends upon New York, setting its sights on the UN building.
This clay creation from 1957 is so poorly rendered there is absolutely no dread produced by its attacks, only hilarity. The film’s director, Fred F. Sears, would have made a much better movie if he’d focused on implying the monster’s presence, not putting it on full display.
The Mole People
The Mole People not only contains some of the most absurd monsters in horror movie history, but it also has one of the most convoluted plots of all time. This 1956 film focuses on archaeologists who, while exploring the planet’s core, find a race of Sumerian albinos who have enslaved freakish mole people. The indentured humanoid moles are tasked with harvesting mushrooms for their enslavers.
The monsters rebel against their captors. With their insect-like heads and lizard people claws, the moles are a hodgepodge of scaly animals and bugs clothed in car mechanic coveralls. As they ascend to the surface, the mole people aren’t so much alarming beasts as they are bulky, fumbling pests.
The Mad Ghoul
This 1943 horror film excels at appropriating and misrepresenting ancient cultures while failing to incite fear with its monster. The monster in this case is medical student Ted Allison, who participates in Dr. Alfred Morris’s experiments with a Mayan nerve gas used during ritualistic human sacrifices.
Ted falls victim to Dr. Morris’s plan to steal his girlfriend by exposing him to the gas. Dr. Morris turns Ted into a moronic ghoul who can only survive by feasting on fluid from human hearts. With a little dime-store make-up and a few tousled hairs, Ted becomes the ghastly ghoul, haunting the halls of Dr. Morris’s house. Dr. Morris employs the zombified man to do his bidding, but the only horrid part of the film is how poorly Ted pulls off his ghouling.
The Catman Of Paris
Meow! Among the literati of 1940s Paris exists a mutant catman clawing his way through the city’s libraries. This Victorian gentleman, equipped with a top hat and cape, creeps around the city like a portly feline.
The catman is an inane horror villain; a strange, stylized testament to early Hollywood’s fascination with upper-class life. There’s nothing chilling about the representation of evil in The Catman of Paris. Instead, the elite humanoid kitty comes across as an antiquated dope.
The Blob
“Indestructible! Nothing Can Stop It! The indestructible creature! Bloated with the blood of its victims!”
The worst and most infamous old horror movie creature has to be The Blob. First seen in the 1957 film of the same name, the blob is what it sounds like: a large ball of jelly that grows larger as it consumes people. While a cult classic, the titular blob is also the quintessential hilarious monster.
This glob of space gelatin grows as large as a building as it consumes everything in its path. Residents of the rural Pennsylvania town where the extraterrestrial mass lands scream and cry with horror as it inches toward them. Meanwhile, audiences laugh hysterically. Let’s just say that the remake did a better job at making this pile of jelly look horrifying.
